THE FUNDAMENTAL VIEW OF LIBIDO
As I’ve shared in the emotional availability article, we are cyclical beings living in a cyclical nature. Thus our bodies, psyches, and emotions go through cycles.
Libido is the main driver in our lives overall (not just sexual). As such, it will wax and wane, much as our entire natural wiring does. I am in alignment with what the famous 20th-century Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung said about libido in his work ”The Concept of Libido.”
Yes, it is natural sometimes to have low moments. Also, depending on our age, it is natural to have higher overall energy and willingness to engage in our lives, or a lower one.
I encourage you to take your natural wiring as the foundation for everything you do in your life, in order to approach better any challenges you face—be it in intimacy or other parts of your life.
Yes, it is natural to have low libido at times. The problems arise when your ”low:”
- feels heavy, as if you cannot find any hope in your situation
- lasts for long periods of time—here the best reference is either to your cyclicity (meaning how long you have taken to get your energy and drive back up) or to your psycho-emotional or physical health (meaning if you have any conditions that might put pressure on your libido)
- or when it is preventing you over prolonged periods of time to engage in the things that you know normally offer you joy, pleasure, enthusiasm, magnetism, playfulness, naughtiness (if we’re to think of sexuality)
Everyone goes through natural low libido moments. And, without any studies, but with a grounded look at our society (call me superficial if it makes you feel better), most people experience problematic and externally induced low libidos.
If you ever felt alone, I hope you will shift that perspective just about now.
CAUSES OF TROUBLESOME OR EXTERNALLY INDUCED LOW LIBIDO
Here are some of the situations when your
- Worry, anxiety, fear, or otherwise a feeling of instability in one’s livelihood
- Overwhelming daily responsibilities, routines, chores
- Infant or childcare
- Highly processed foods, processed drinks instead of water, in tandem with lack of physical activity or proper sleep and rest patterns
- Psycho-emotional stress due to loss of important people, pets, or family members
- Physical illness, whether acute or chronic or accidents that require a lot of vital energy and bodily resources to heal
- Natural occurring or social events that cause distress (in many contracts they are known as force majeure): severe earthquakes, catastrophic floods, landslides, lightning, tornadoes, wars, revolutions, etc.
Yes, all these take a toll on our libido (vitality, energy, joy, enthusiasm, drive, lust for life, and intimacy).
This is why I say that many people experience problematic or externally induced low libido. We don’t speak enough about it, but most of us experience it at least once in our lives.
HOW DO WE GET OUT OF IT?
Though there is no standardized way to approach this. Depending on your situation, you may or may not be able to take all proposals here.
In the worst case, there are two things I definitely encourage you to do: rest and relax, and do things that bring you pleasure, excitement, and joy. No, they do not have to be over the top, frankly, your entire system is too low-key to produce or withstand that, but enough for you to feel it.
By the book, firstly I would encourage you to seek support for your deeper root of the problem, meaning the psycho-emotional concerns. A spiritual guide, therapist, or counselor you trust to work with on these deeply intimate concerns.
Secondly, I strongly encourage you to make a shift in your nutrition. Do so with the help of a specialist, do not do it by ear (at least not if this is the first time you’re considering your nutrition for helping with low libido).
On my behalf, I have been saying that aphrodisiacs are in fact healthy foods for a while now. They help the circulatory, hormonal, reproductive, and immune systems. Why? Simple: a healthy and strong organism is fitter to reproduce and will give stronger and more resilient offsprings. Read it here.
Thirdly, I would encourage you to seek a coach to work on your life regimen and gradually and organically bring in the day-to-day or week-to-week things to shift you to a positive perspective on life and also make sure you get gradual and sustainable progress.
Those will contain inner contemplation, focusing or even meditation routines, workouts according to your fitness level and other bodily and health-related particularities, any other activities that bring a positive outlook on life and maintain it.
And lastly, I would encourage you to socialize with friends and spend time outdoors. As old-fashioned as that sounds, so long as you are human (not a cyborg, android, or any other SciFi name you would give to artificial transformation to a biological being) you have your natural recharging source and you need to honor it as such.
With these in place, your libido will take its natural cycles, sure, but your sexuality and intimacy will not be negatively impacted. Neither will your relationships.
That’s the foundation of a flowing & vibrant intimate life.
It takes time to get back to the high libido of your cycle, where flaming passion can also happen, so give yourself time and patience.