One of the biggest unknowns for many people is the notion of sexuality practices.

Though we know and (generally) acknowledge, we can train our body for physical activities, to very few of us has it occurred that we can train our body for sexual acts as well. Sex is a physical practice for sure.

When I speak of sexual practices I include mentality, emotions, and physical aspects—where health & physical condition are certainly included.

Who are the practices for?

Anyone can do sexual practices—at least anyone who understands the importance and the value of healthy sex life.

Though there is less social understanding for the reality of our sexual impulse, suffice it to say it begins at very young ages. It is part of our build. As such, any adult who seeks to have not only a fulfilled professional life but also a personal one, will give time to their sexual development.

What are sexuality practices, more exactly?

Though it isn’t just this, the foundation of sexual practices is bodywork.

Bodywork means essentially undergoing using breath, touch, sound, and awareness when working with the body (either alone or with a bodywork trained specialist) to reach certain goals.

In sexuality, bodywork can mean exploring erotic & sexual boundaries, how much erotic energy can one hold in the body, the state of presence in one’s arousal, arousal queues, working on one’s capacity to hold erotic energy in the body: for time (more or less), for impact (either build sensory resistance or sensitize the body) or endurance (hold more impact for a longer time).

In more delicate cases, sexuality practices can help with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, lack of ejaculation, difficulty in reaching orgasms – only after a medical specialist was sought and any existing health issue was dealt with properly.

The biggest misconceptions

The first one is that bodywork does not ignore emotions or mindset. Working only with the body doesn’t help anyone make progress.

From my experience, the body only shows what our mindsets and emotional states and dispositions allow us to. So it only makes sense that we include mind, heart, and body when working with sexuality. Just like in any other field.

Mindset and emotional dispositions are usually worked on with proper guidance or support. The explanation is simple: had we been able to overcome the mental or emotional barriers we would not have had any persisting aspects. Rarely is it a physical problem with our bodies.

Yes, the body can malfunction too, sometimes from birth, other times due to improper conditions (that our minds and emotions decide). Sometimes our bodies enter certain sexual routines and it is really hard to break away from them on our own.

The second misconception revolves around having sex: No, bodywork does not mean sex with your coach, guide, therapist, etc.

That is a very limited understanding that, sadly, many people have due to sexual illiteracy and ignorance.

When one is guided through sexuality practices, they work either alone or under the guidance of someone.

But breathwork, touch, sound and words, awareness – are all tools to be used outside of sex until the person is able to develop a better physical capacity, mental strength and emotional balance to use them in their intimate encounters.

And the third misconception, though much less conscious, sexual bodywork is done with full consciousness, with informed consent and with full honoring of boundaries and one’s actual capacity to hold intense energy in the body.

Many people imagine that they go once to a specialist and they’re done. Not the case. Just as no person ever mastered a physical skill for the first time they began working with it, the same goes for our sexual wiring and expression.

We can’t expect our bodies to miraculously change overnight. It’s not sustainable, it’s not in nature’s way to change abruptly. Any work needs time and organic progress. The body adjusts in time, it integrates changes in time. Otherwise, they are shocks given to our system that will do nothing more than hyper charging our nervous systems and risk shutdowns or malfunctions later on.

In essence

If you consider working on your sexuality, then you need to understand the difference between sexual practices and the actual sex encounters for which you are preparing. Getting to the game takes time, skill learning, mindset shifting, and recovering also.

No professional athlete is built overnight. The same goes for skilled lovers!

 

In the sexDOJO for women, I offer support and hold space. Women work on their pleasure, do practices, and take care of their sexual wiring. Together with me, women build and embody their vision for their sex life.

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