I was watching this TEDx talk, which excellently summarizes what the purpose of personal growth: bettering ourselves in any area, including in sexuality, is a commitment in the long run.

When it comes to physical intimacy and sex, rarely is a woman’s desire or her body always up for it. As with anything in the long term, sex with a long term partner is a matter of commitment and appropriate setting.

Here is my breakdown of this process:

1. Make it a mental resolution to focus on sexuality and pleasure in the long run.

Intimacy is not something you fix now and be done with forever. I can say the same about hunger, thirst, or health. Most aspects of our lives require us to tend regularly. The same goes for agriculture, viticulture, etc.
I know this doesn’t come down as pleasant for someone who has not done anything about their sexuality, but the good news here is: You can begin now!

2. Seek and follow someone who already does this or is a little farther down the line in this process.

My taichi teacher always said: the teaching is alive. We are living beings, we socialize, and we live and also better our lives through socializing. Some exceptional people perhaps never need inspiration or motivation in their growth process, but most of us do. Do not inefficiently torture yourself by thinking you should do it alone—this exception only confirms the rule.

3. The process is ongoing.

I apply this principle in my path, and I encourage my community members to do the same: ignore fallouts and get back on track as soon as you realize you’re out.
The only danger I see here is the mentality: well, I fell out, so no reason to get back to it. That’s the single biggest enemy of anything. That’s the sabotaging mentality that seldom comes up after a failure or a challenge.
Extremely few things are permanent while you are alive. You can pick up at any time the focus to better your physical intimacy and sex. So keep getting up! And if you feel you can’t do it alone, get support or inspiration. Go back to step number two 🙂


In the sexDOJO for women, I offer support and hold space. Women work on their pleasure, do practices, and take care of their sexual wiring. Together with me, women build and embody their vision for their sex life.

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