Ageing and Sex (Liana, Holistic Intimacy Coach)

Photo by: Katherine Brook

Aging and sex represent a topic that concerns and discomforts many. Though it’s not often mentioned out in the open, people want to keep receiving attention from potential sex partners as they progress in life. Yes, especially when they begin to show signs of aging.

Feeling desired or wanted by potential intimate partners is important for morale. Regardless if we turn those signs of attraction into actual encounters, feeling desirable contributes to feeling alive and youthful.

As naive as this might seem, desirability is one component of our psycho-emotional and sexual well-being.

Today, I look at 4 aspects that, from a coaching perspective (meaning things we can actively work on in the present to build our lives as we desire, read more here) can help us move on in our age and remain desirable:

1. Health and Physical Condition

A cared-for body makes us feel and look younger than our biological age. Sounds like a truism or platitude, but it’s the lifestyle I encourage us to embody. Attractive people, no matter their age, made it a priority to keep their bodies healthy and fit. If they had a say in it, they definitely did! They stick to their workout regimen, no questions asked. With that, also comes a certain eating regimen too.

From an intimacy and sex perspective, I will also zoom in on a few things: the reproductive and hormonal system, and the pelvic floor. I will address it from an intimacy coaching perspective.

Firstly, our hormonal system needs checking in. As a coach, I will only present you with a perspective: have you ever taken the time for a hormonal check-in? Sure, if you’re looking into becoming a parent, that’s one topic you will cover. But what if you went for checkups without the aim of fertility? Also, if you discovered all was good, or within normal values for your age group, would you consider going to a nutritionist or anyone specialized in hormonal health after that? Why? To bring small proactive changes in your diet to maintain your hormonal health for the long run. And obviously, would you consider going for periodic hormonal checkups even if you do not have any signs of discomfort or disease? This would be investing in your sexual health for the long run. Not many people approach sexuality this way. Yet, as an intimacy coach, this is the kind of perspective I bring to those who care about their intimacy for the long run.

Secondly, when it comes to the pelvic floor, I’d like to bring to your awareness that it is the group of muscles that holds together your internal organs (yes!). And it is also the muscle that you use for enjoying yourself intimately. Have you ever treated it with the proper attention? Muscles need to be worked out accordingly, stretched, relaxed, and massaged for detention. All muscles in our bodies need that. If we don’t, in our later years, it should be no wonder that our muscle tone, fitness, or flexibility is gone. This happens in our body overall—including the pelvic floor.

In pelvic floor programs, I’ve gone to one a while back, I saw that mostly pregnant or older women attended. Also, if women go to yoga classes, then they will be more open to this. I’m not sure what would get men to look at their pelvic floor health, but my guess would be a health problem. Working out our pelvic floor and sexual muscles isn’t a cultural or societal value. When it comes to intimacy and sex, consumption habits include entertainment materials, tips&tricks in glossy magazines or vlogs out there, or material about techniques to do on partners in order to reach various results (a.k.a.: orgasms).

Actual self-health practices do not yet land in our minds as something worth investing our time in. Pelvic floor practice isn’t yet acknowledged as a solid foundation for more satisfaction in the long run. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true and it also doesn’t mean you can’t rearrange your priorities.

My sexDOJO™ for women includes a program specifically for working out the pelvic floor (with warm-ups, gentle practices, cooldowns, stretching, and muscle mobilizing practices). I also have FAQ materials. The huge benefit is that you get to follow along with me in one day p a week (which is what I recommend for women to consider investing in their intimate health and the quality of their sex life overall). Not many women stick to something like this for the long run, but you can be different!

2. Mental Health and Acuity

Since we are in the realm of personal growth, it’s important to remind ourselves that mental sharpness and focus are important. Without our center of command functioning properly, no good can come out of our lives. All the mental patterns we hold, around our intimacy (we’ll stay on point) and on our vitality and how we wish to live our lives, are going to have a tremendous saying in what our life in our older age will be.

When it comes to intimacy and sex, as we progress in life, our mental health and acuity mean how we relate intellectually to intimacy, sex, and, dare I say, growth! Yes, growth! Why could we not grow in intimacy in our later stages of life too? I invite you to imagine yourself in your later years. How do you see yourself? Do you relate to your sexuality? Do you engage? Do you learn, do you explore, do you seek ways to navigate all the physical challenges older age brings? A mindset truly constructive and oriented toward making the best possible in any given situation will definitely be an asset in intimacy too. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a mind that gets constantly lost, triggered, confused, or messy.

My question for you is this: can you conceive that you b consistent with your sexual expression? Can you imagine that at your older age you will give yourself what you need? Sexual impulses do not disappear as we age. They disappear because our sexual health might suffer, or our mental or emotional health might be affected.

How you see yourself as a sexual being is going to impact massively how you will be. Your intimacy ”lives” as long as you allow it to. Your orgasmic intimacy in older age starts from your head. And that mentality is built while you’re young or younger. What do you do now for your sexual expression? How do you sustain it? My work can definitely be of great help, inspiration, or follow-along practices to keep yourself in a constructive and proactive mindset. Check it out and use it if you feel the resonance.

3. View of oneself

This one might seem obvious, but I’m not sure many people actually do it. How you view yourself related to your sexuality as your progress in life will dictate how you will show up in your intimacy.

So, how do you see yourself in your 50s, or 60s, or even 70s? Are you sexually active? If yes, how do you feel your body will be? Do you feel anything related to health or practices might have mattered in any way?

Also, how will you show yourself as a sexual being in your 50s, 60s, or 70s? In terms of clothes, talking with your partner, looking for things to make you grow or feel magnetic?

Lastly, how do you see yourself managing moments of crisis? Those might come too. And it’s important to feel into yourself, your resources, and your capacity to face adversity in intimacy.

If you’ve seen attractive people keeping their attractivity as they aged, that doesn’t seem such a turnoff, does it? If you think it was ”easy” for them because they had it all figured out money-wise, I say there are things you can do in spite of your financial situation. You can keep yourself as attractive as possible through your lifestyle. No, it’s not the photos of holidays that will keep you attractive in the long term, but your actual practices and time invested in your sexual and intimate health.

In this article, I can’t do more than remind you of the health and nutrition focus (point #1), then of take up my practices for women (point #2), or root for you to take up 1-on-1 coaching to figure out for yourself what is the best regimen for you to follow.

4. Game on! Always.

I’ll keep it simple here: playfulness is a sign of youth, aliveness, and fun. So, no matter what age, game on! Always.

It might sound or seem superficial, but it’s simple and straightforward here. Keep your action going, whatever this is for you. As long as you’ve got skills, health, fitness, and stamina, stay in the game! And enjoy yourself!