Although I will keep this material on my topic, sexuality and intimacy, I believe harmony and non-invasive expressions could be examined in more life areas.
I have built my perspective in years of study, training, extracurricular programs, interviewing and studying the work of other practitioners, and working with people individually and in groups.
I invite you to trust your sovereignty and take from this piece whatever is most valuable for you and those around you.
I also invite you not to take this perspective as pressure to change something about yourself or to put any pressure onto others to change. Just read on and see if anything inspires you.
You own it
One of the foundations of erotic sovereignty is that our expression belongs to us. Nobody formes it, nobody dictates it, but ourselves and what we have chosen (consciously or not) to take in. I say this without a trace of judgment and with the understanding that our culture still does not offer proper support for sexual education and development. I also understand that we did not put much thought into individuation in our erotic expression either.
Nonetheless, in my opinion, our erotic expression belongs to ourselves. We all have the power to do whatever we wish with it.
When one expresses their sensual, sexual, erotic side (and I don’t just mean doing something with another person), it’s essential to realize from what state they do it. I assure you that many will pick this up, just as you can do so about others.
More than femme fatales and super-potent machos
In my opinion, the first “sin” when it comes to sensual, sexual, and erotic expression would be to call those who do not invade/dominate the space of others as naive, immature, virgins, library mice, etc.
Just because someone else’s expression doesn’t seem overwhelming, intense, or obvious, it doesn’t justify labels as immature, childish, still in need of learning, or growing up, inexperienced. This would be a pity.
As we’re not accustomed to sexual expressions outside these stereotypes—blatant, loud, flamboyant (from French), oozing sexual vibes all around— anything different is considered a joke.
In my opinion, this is a collective blunder when it comes to sensuality, sexuality, and eroticism. This would mean we’d be unaware that the spectrum of sexual expression is much broader than that of a femme fatale or a superpotent macho.
If you put such labels on people, it’s possibly because you may not have liked what you saw, it was not your style, or you might not have a grounded understanding of the human sexual and erotic spectrum.
Unfortunately, when labeling, you minimize a person’s potential. You also risk ruining your intimate relationships, losing something beautiful, and you risk reducing your ability to see and appreciate those around you for who they are. Even if someone is not to your liking, this person still has an expression that deserves acknowledgment.
If you receive such feedback, namely that your expression is too “thin,” I hope you have the inner strength to move on, to continue expressing yourself authentically, and always honor it. If you’re the kind of person that doesn’t invade others with their sexual expression, please know that’s a value! You allow space for others to be sovereign in their expressions. Many do not understand what erotic sovereignty is, but you have my full appreciation if you know and honor it.
Harmonious expressions (primarily with individuality and self-essence) are gifts.
Expressions that give way, invite, inspire, or encourage others are also gifts.
There’s absolutely no problem if a person doesn’t like or prefer a particular expression. Zero!
Although sometimes you may feel sorry or sorrow that your attractions aren’t reciprocated, it’s still important to honor and appreciate your expression. Especially when you are in harmony with yourself.
Another “pity” related to erotic expression would be to make jokes or innuendos in a way that could inhibit, alienate, or even disgust another. Here it would be practically invading the space of another being. It wouldn’t help you or the other person.
Whatever you feel, you can show it harmoniously and vulnerably and give the other person the space to choose if or how they respond. Basically, you don’t invade. You express how you feel, and you invite that person in. They may or may not reply.
The important thing is that you have left space, invited, and honored yourself. And you don’t blame the other person for a potential rejection, at least not if they acknowledged and respected you even if they did not prefer you.
When it comes to domination (and here I mean the uninvited, unsolicited, unapproved kind) done because it’s what a “real” man or a “real” woman does, then, again, we forget about harmony and respect for another’s space.
If you struggle to or do not feel confident about communicating in intimacy, consider working at this through coaching with me.
To be clear, I’m not teaching or educating you on anything.
Coaching means that I support you (with somatic coaching methods and knowledge about working in this area) to set your own goals, work to achieve them, focus, ground and bring harmony to your expression.
In addition, I support you to navigate clashes of beliefs, incompatibilities, personal boundaries or become aware of how much intensity you can sustain in the body and how you can develop this ability.
May this be useful and harmonizing for you.